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| Tuesday, September 2nd, 2008 | | 7:49 pm |
Blog swap!
OK. So I think I'm doin the blogspot thang!! Here's why: 1. It's pretty. My blogspot blog is pretty, with a pretty brown patterned background thing and pretty calming beige entry things and my profile picture is this lovely late afternoon sunflower field thing from when I went fruitpicking. Mmm. Calming. Pretty. 2. It has LABELS! I am legit excited about this. You can do a little thing where you type in what each entry was about, and then let's say someone wanted to read my entries about my friends. Ooh! You just click on 'friends' and then you can see all of them. Very neat and compartmentalized. Heck yes. (I'm already going crazy trying to figure out how not to give each entry fifteen labels, though. "Oh gosh, this entry is about my roommates, so click 'roommates', and I'd just had Tuesday dinner, so click 'Tuesday boys', but those are both my friends so maybe I should put 'friends', and I was at Wheaton when I was writing it so should I label it as 'Wheaton'? And, well, goodness, I mentioned a Psalm I liked so it's clearly a 'God entry'... and does 'birthday' need to have its own category?" Yes, this is what it is like to live in my brain.) 3. I figure I'll probably have a blog on HNGR, and I definitely wanted to start a new one then. So maybe I'll end up starting a whole new specific-for-HNGR one right before I leave, but it might be nice to have the year of HNGR-at-home/preparation tied in there... So... I think you can find me on here: http://longonstaying.blogspot.comI set it so anonymous people can leave comments, so don't forget me!! | | 12:22 am |
I'm grateful for perfect Tuesday dinners (on a Monday), venting walks, met with love and acceptance, that end sprawled in the grass with laughter and comfortability, Psalm 73, interesting classes, sweet surprise birthday parties with a sunflower cake and my favorite people (and which was only improved by the fact that I noticed everyone giggling half an hour before), not having to work my life out, peace, and Heather having a hilarious fit of exasperation which has resulted in my bed finally having sheets on it for the first time since I got here (because who unpacks after 9 days?). | | Sunday, August 31st, 2008 | | 9:57 pm |
Year 3
Apartment is adorable. Roommates are beautiful. Multiple people who hang out in apartment most nights so far are also beautiful. I love my life. | | Wednesday, August 27th, 2008 | | 8:54 am |
Upwards I look and see Him there.
"That evening vast numbers of quail flew in and covered the camp. And the next morning the area around the camp was wet with dew. When the dew evaporated, a flaky substance as fine as frost blanketed the ground. The Israelites were puzzled when they saw it. "What is it?" they asked each other. They had no idea what it was.
And Moses told them, "It is the food the Lord has given you to eat. These are the Lord's instructions: Each household should gather as much as it needs. Pick up two quarts for each person in your tent."
So the people of Israel did as they were told. Some gathered a lot, some only a little. But when they measured it out, everyone had just enough. Those who gathered a lot had nothing left over, and those who gathered only a little had enough. Every family had just what it needed."
Exodus 16:13-18 | | Saturday, August 23rd, 2008 | | 9:10 pm |
| | 8:23 pm |
I love my bosom friend
This is from a conversation in Spring 2004*: drumstickspaztic (11:42:43 PM): but 2 corinthians 12:8 drumstickspaztic (11:43:35 PM): I begged the Lord three times to take this problem away from me drumstickspaztic (11:44:13 PM): but he said to me "my grace is enough for you. when you are weak, my power is made perfect in you." drumstickspaztic (11:44:30 PM): so i am very happy to brag about my weaknesses drumstickspaztic (11:44:41 PM): then christs power can live in me drumstickspaztic (11:45:35 PM): for this reason i am happy when i have weaknesses, insults, hard times, sufferings, and all kinds of troubles for christ. drumstickspaztic (11:45:46 PM): because when i am weak, then i am truly strong drumstickspaztic (11:45:55 PM): :-D *yes, I am procrastinating on packing. Hence the reading of xanga entries from 10th grade. | | Friday, August 22nd, 2008 | | 9:29 am |
Books and Life.
For the last week or so I've been reading "Middle of Everywhere: The World's Refugees Come To Our Town" by Mary Pipher. It was on my recommended list for HNGR and it is AMAZING. Informative and convicting and inspiring and moving and great. I fold down the corners of pages that have something I want to remember to go back and look at. I just counted and I'm at almost 40. And I still have 30 pages to go. I was feeling almost overwhelmed as I read last night, with how much in it I loved and thought was beautiful and well written and important to retain. I felt overwhelmed because I knew I could fold down the pages and even copy quotes out, but I would still not be able to keep all of the stories and information perfectly present and clear in my mind/heart for long. I have a lot of experiences like that. Walks with bosom friends. Years spent living with roommates. Road trips taken with friends. Summers of working and quality time and waking up in a yellow room with toddlers playing downstairs. Sometimes I get pretty overwhelmed with how much I want to be drinking every drop of my life, and how completely incapable I am of making sure I'm doing that. I've been praying about that a lot this summer, the last month particularly. I've looked ahead and realized more and more how much the next couple years will consist of different short "seasons". I've worried about how I'll be able to be present in them and make the most out of them while always knowing that in a few months I'll be somewhere else. I've been realizing how all I can really do is throw myself as much as possible into gratitude and joy for the gifts I have right now, today. To be thankful and happy: "Today, Christina and Claire and I sat around Claire's kitchen table and ate really good peaches. Today, Mary and I camped out at Bean Hollow and drank chai and were hyper. Tonight, I got to sprawl on the couches in the Maloy's living room and crack up with Matt and Amy. Tonight, my roommates and I ate dinner together and laughed and danced in Danada Square." I want SO BADLY to say "Stop! Wait! Let me grab my journal! I have to write down exactly what I'm feeling and learning and experiencing! Where's my camera? Where's my quote book?" And of course, permanent props to processing. But I will never be able to get a guarantee that the weight of each memory is being engraved into my heart. I will never be able to KNOW, that I am getting every single bit of these years squeezed right out of them. I have to read my great books on refugees and ask God to teach me what I need to learn and take notes and then trust that God will bring to my mind what needs to be there at the right time; trust that somehow, I am different because I read that book, and somehow my life will show that, even if it's in an intangible, unmeasurable way. I have to go into this year and love my roommates hard. And take these classes and sit with the information and let it soak in. And sit with Jesus and enjoy His word and somehow trust that it is doing something in me that I can't see- but keep reading it anyway. And I want to crack up laughing with my friends, and listen deeply to what they're saying, and be overwhelmed by how beautiful they are (and tell them it too much), and at the end of a night out be so excited that I have to say "GUYS!!!!! WE LOVE EACH OTHER!!!!!!" until everyone rolls their eyes at me. And maybe I'll be able to retain the meaning and depth of all of those experiences precisely. Maybe I'll take the perfect picture that captures the moment, or I'll remember to write in my journal exactly how I felt on a given night. But I probably won't, at least not for all of them. But if I go into this semester and I really am grateful for each memory as it unfolds, if I enjoy nights in with my roommates and conversations with far away friends as they happen, if I give thanks for each day lived in my life filled with love, and ask for grace to live as well as possible (though I will never be perfect) the next day... even though I will never be able to perfectly preserve or quantify these years of my life... maybe that is really the best way to drink them to the last drop. | | Wednesday, August 20th, 2008 | | 12:52 am |
You are my supply.
All of You is more than enough for all of me
for every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
and all i have in You, is more than enough.supply: that which fills sufficiently; satisfies. | | Monday, August 18th, 2008 | | 3:23 pm |
"Jesus spent the night in prayer. That's a picture of the fact that prayer is not something you always feel. It's not a voice you always hear with these ears. It's not always an insight that comes to you in your little mind. (God's heart is greater than the human heart, God's mind is greater than the human mind, and God's light is so great that it might blind you and make you feel like you're in the night.)" -Nouwen | | Sunday, August 17th, 2008 | | 8:23 pm |
Summary of Summer, Part One: Music
The summer soundtrack included: Marvelous Light- Charlie Hall Yearn- Shane & Shane Psalm 145- Shane & Shane Beauty for Ashes- Shane & Shane How Deep the Father's Love For Us- Sarah Sadler (these were from All-School the last week at Wheaton, which was AMAZING) Hold Me Tight- Across the Universe soundtrack (and a lot of others from that soundtrack, but that was my fave) Swallowed in the Sea- Coldplay (so underrated!! It's awesome!) It Is Love- Hellogoodbye Baby, It's Fact- Hellogoodbye Sofa Song- The Kooks Seaside- The Kooks Gotta Have You- The Weepies World Spins Madly On- The Weepies MFEO- Jack's Mannequin Getting Into You- Relient K (I had heard this 800 times but never listened to the lyrics before. Beautiful). (these are all from the mix Matt made for the road trip) Love Song- Sara Bareilles (this played in practically EVER SINGLE PLACE we stopped on the road trip, seriously, so even though I didn't like it at first I started to just by association). Everywhere- Michael Buble (we listened to this 800000 times on the NOLA trip, because it is AWESOME in beat and lyrics and voice. heecckkk yes). When You Love Someone- Bethany Dillon Whisper My Name- Jennifer Knapp Take It From Me- The Weepies Nobody Knows Me At All- The Weepies Can't Go Back Now- The Weepies Washed By The Water- needtobreathe (love this song) And Now My Lifesong Sings- Casting Crowns (they played this at Mrs. Link's funeral. Beautiful.) I Stand In Awe- O.C. Supertones Rock & Roll- Eric Hutchinson (this is from the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 soundtrack and it is my new favorite get-in-a-good-mood rock-out song) old ones I just listened to a lot this summer: Divine Romance- Phil Wickham Jesus Paid It All- Aaron Keyes Arise, my soul, Arise- Indelible Grace And Can it Be- Indelible Grace the entire live Shane & Shane album | | Saturday, August 16th, 2008 | | 1:04 am |
bits
God knows exactly what this year is going to look like. Sometimes if I feel fairly confident about how something's going to go, it's super hard for me to remember to trust God with it. Sometimes feeling totally inept can actually make it easier for me to trust God with something. I am so excited for this year but I feel pretty at a loss as to how to make it any certain way. I'm pretty much asking Him to just do His thing with it because I have no idea exactly what I should be doing. He is faithful to tell me, though. Mary Wolf has a blog, which makes my life pretty much AMAZING!!! She writes exactly like she talks which means it is hilarious. Check it: http://mary-babieseverywhere.blogspot.com. The Ramsings left for Uganda on Monday. My separation anxiety has mostly calmed down, although Mayr got back from Uganda today and they had sent a letter for me with her and of course I cried when I read it. I am so sososooo excited for them, though, and for all the people they're going to work with, and for what God is going to do in their family, and I am so amazed and proud of our church for the entire Uganda partnership and their priorities and ways of supporting each other and seeking God in the world. Heck. Yes. I am so lucky. MARY'S HOME FROM UGANDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She is so beautiful. I had the perfect birthday. The aforementioned Cambodian phone call (will be talking about for the rest of my life). A peach-brownie-sunflower cake from Claire and Chris and an awesome sleepover with them... how much do I love those girls. Lunch with my beautiful sister, park with the girls (the weather was PERFECT and we got snowballs and all just laid on the grass and talked by the water and it was lovely), super fun dinner with Al and Dad. And then of course... Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. SO good. My mother wrote me an incredible letter. Mary Wolf and my awesome housemates each took me out to dinner. My bosom friend (who was still in Uganda then) still managed to get me such an encouraging text message. A card from Heather came ON the exact day (how often does that happen?) and it was the nicest thing ever. I got to hear Jana's sweet voice for the first time since England! Basically... it was just a lovely day, and I felt really happy and lucky and grateful. Update on to-do list: In a mad fit of frenzy, I cleaned my entire room in about 15 minutes last night. Not really- the clothes are just folded in a pile in the corner, not actually in drawers, and the books and notecards are all shoved on my dresser or under the window seats- but I have a floor and a made bed now so I can breathe nice deep feng-shui breaths. I'm partially caught up on emails. I ordered my textbooks. I've done some HNGR stuff. I'm trying to be slow. I am grateful for quiet times, jobs I enjoy, real friendships, the laughter of people I love, Christmas lights on my bedroom walls, Ephesians 1, wisdom (both borrowed and hoped for), people being patient with me, hazelnut scented candles, text messages, good books, family, the weather, and affection. Not necessarily in that order. And... I AM XENA WARRIOR PRINCESS!!!!! In a spontaneous passion to reclaim my time, I deactivated my Facebook. And not gonna lie, I FEEL SO FREE!!! Seriously. I don't miss it at all. Please note that I did leave it on for two days around my birthday. I'm not that hard-core. | | Friday, August 15th, 2008 | | 1:17 am |
Current To-Do List...
1. Clean my room, except this probably won't happen/is not worth happening, because what I really need to do with all of the clothing and books all over my floor is put them into suitcases. 2. Finish the online HNGR course. 3. Read my book for HNGR and answer the questions. (This freaking awesome book deserves a whole post to itself, but that's another story. I love my life and books and HNGR and being a Christian and a lot of other things.) 4. Watch my movie for HNGR and answer the questions. 5. Sit down with the latest letters from my HNGR prayer partners and really read/pray over them. 6. Email my HNGR prayer partners. 7. Write some letters to some people who I love. 8. Read Henri Nouwen slowly. 9. Maybe read Richard Foster slowly. 10. Read/pray Celtic Daily Prayer slowly. 11. Think about the year and emotionally/spiritually prepare for it. (My mother would really want to insert something here about practically preparing for it, which leads me to...) 12. Order my textbooks. 13. Order some photo prints. 14. Guard these next ten days from becoming what the end of my breaks so often become... ten times crazier than the rest of the summer because I try and cram in everything I didn't do the whole break, and thus go back to school NOT rested, NOT prepared, thus defying the point of EVERYTHING!!! Let them be filled with prayer, and pause, and the rest and laughter that comes with real quality time, and reading and enjoying God, and reflecting on the summer with gratitude and a willingness to learn, and looking forward to the year with gratitude and trust. | | Wednesday, August 13th, 2008 | | 11:30 am |
"We are. He has. It is."
(Matt's response to my out-loud pondering that it is Biblical to be happy, because the Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.) | | Tuesday, August 12th, 2008 | | 2:20 am |
BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT EVER!!!
Sarah called me from CAMBODIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | | Friday, August 8th, 2008 | | 1:48 am |
I've been frustrated with myself the last few days, as I've tried to "live in the moment". A skill I can range from priding myself on to feeling completely incapable of. The couple of weeks before a transition (end of the semester, end of the summer), I'm pretty shamefully inept at it. Today I kept trying to tell myself that I was experiencing holy moments. I kept talking to myself, about the beauty in the friends I was seeing, at Him at work in them, in the fact that I have friendships, and time to myself, and laughter, and music, and daily tasks which are small but add up to meaning and love. I kept talking to myself about the sacredness and weight of the ordinary, and I believed it. But there was a gap between what I knew to be true, and my feelings. I KNEW I was living holy moments, but I FELT distracted and restless. And that made me frustrated. Tonight I was washing dishes when it occurred to me that maybe the place I was in today, being unable to make myself FEEL joyful and grateful and present whenever I wanted, having to remind myself of the beauty that is so present in my life and surroundings, having to ask God for strength and wisdom because I'm definitely not rocking them myself... in other words, knowing that I am incompetent at making my life and moods go exactly how I want, and having to just suck that up and do the best I can and ask God for joy and trust Him to give it to me and go on with my daily life as faithfully as I can even when I'm not feeling awesome and together... ...was, in fact, where I was supposed to be. Or at least somewhere God was working. Maybe it's giving myself too much slack. But the thought occurred to me that maybe that place of frustration this week was, in fact, a holy moment. And for some reason, that one I could really believe. | | Thursday, August 7th, 2008 | | 2:13 am |
"Our emotional lives move up and down constantly. Sometimes we experience great mood swings: from excitement to depression, from joy to sorrow, from inner harmony to inner chaos. A little event, a word from someone, a disappointment in work, many things can trigger such mood swings. Mostly we have little control over these changes. It seems that they happen to us rather than being created by us. "Thus, it is important to know that our emotional life is not the same as our spiritual life. Our spiritual life is the life of the Spirit of God within us. As we feel our emotions shift we must connect our spirits with the Spirit of God and remind ourselves that what we feel is not who we are. We are and remain, whatever our moods, God's beloved children." -Nouwen | | Wednesday, August 6th, 2008 | | 6:32 pm |
A new one to add to my top 10...
Checklist to see if you're flakier than me: Have you ever... * Written an entire paper on the obviously wrong topic? * Overdrawn on your debit card five times before you even realized it? *Failed your waitressing exam? (Uh... brisket's different from pork because it's sliced differently? See?... Mm, or it comes from different animals.) *Bragged about how you could outspell anyone and then lost a spelling bee to a 15 year old? (on the word "indigenous"... when you'd been reading a book about eating indigenously grown food) Or how about, *Received a letter from the library informing you that if you don't pay your fines in the next seventeen days, they'll report you to a collection agency?
Yeah. Go me. | | Sunday, August 3rd, 2008 | | 9:15 am |
Glorious and Holy God, Provocations against thy divine majesty have filled my whole life, My offences have been countless and aggravated. Conscience has rebuked me, friends have admonished me, the examples of others have reproached me, thy rod has chastised me, thy kindness allured me. Thou has seen and abhorred all my sins and couldst easily and justly have punished me, yet thou has spared me, been gracious unto me, given me thy help, invited me to thy table. Lord, I thankfully obey thy call, accept of thy goodness, acquiesce in thy gospel appointments. I believe that Jesus thy Son has plenteous redemption; I apply to him for his benefits, give up my mind implicitly to his instructions, trust and glory in his sacrifice, revere and love his authority, pray that his grace may reign in my life. I will not love a world that crucified him, neither cherish nor endure the sin that put him to grief, nor suffer him to be wounded by others. At the cross that relieves my conscience let me learn lessons of self-denial, forgiveness and submission, feel motives to obedience, find resources for all needs of the divine life. Then let me be what I profess, do as well as teach, live as well as hear religion. | | Friday, August 1st, 2008 | | 5:54 pm |
Chronology of a Bad Mood
1. Arrive at Famous Dave's and find out there was a mix up with the schedule and I can't work tonight after all. 2. Fail to find anyone who needs me to cover their shift and leave. 3. Drive home grumpily, annoyed and worried about money. 4. Walk in to the house grumpily, annoyed and worried about money. 5. See a package on the kitchen table with my name on it. From Laura. With a big sticker that says "Don't Open Til August 12!!!" 6. Am immediately transported into a better mood. 7. Think about the fact that she's working pretty much 24 hours a day for 10 weeks as a camp counselor and is exhausted and still did that. 8. Think about how completely filled with love and affection my life is. 9. Realize how ridiculous it is to be that grumpy about something like not working one night when I have two great jobs and no real financial struggle. 10. Feel simultaneously touched, joyful, convicted, repentant, rolling-my-eyes-at-myself, determined to not whine anymore, and mostly... just grateful. For little moments like that and friendship and lessons and mail and not getting it right all the time and not having to for everything to be okay and just for life. | | Thursday, July 31st, 2008 | | 11:07 am |
when's breakfast? i'm getting HNGR-y...
ha. ha. ha. i'm getting really excited. a bunch of sort of hngr-y things happened this week... i got an email from the new Assistant Director to all the interns just talking about the upcoming year, the World Relief tutoring, the small groups we'll be doing. what the heck!!! it's really happening!!! i facebook-stalked the old Assistant Director (who just left to be a stay at home dad while his wife goes to grad school at Duke, which is awesome but i'm sad) and found out he has a BLOG and read it. it was in a conversation with him that i decided i really wanted to apply for the program. he and his wife are both HNGR alums and he's just one of the coolest, easiest to talk to people i know. so reading his blog made me excited. i had dinner with mary wolf and she totally randomly brought up the program and was just saying how ever since i first mentioned it she's just had "a feeling" about it and that she thinks it's going to be such a great thing for me and she's so excited i get to go and she's praying about it with me and can't wait to hear all about it through the process and when i get back, etc, etc. i almost cried. actually i did a little bit. i got a beautiful letter from my roommate laura the other day, and she mentioned it too, that she's excited to go "through the journey" with me this year. that means SO MUCH to me. i was thinking jokingly to myself last night that i feel like people caring about HNGR is one of my love languages right now. i told mary wolf that it means a lot that she even, like, remembers about it. especially when non-Wheaton people bring it up, i just feel really moved. and it is going to be such a big crazy process and it means THE WORLD to me to have the people i love entering into that with me, in whatever ways. THE WORLD. oh. i can't even say. mmm. i've been getting updates from the people who are on it right now and it is just so exciting and cool to hear about their internships, thoughts, people they're meeting, what they're learning. it is sooo exciting to see the thought processes that they're going thru and to be able to see growth just in the way they talk and write and what they're thinking and praying about. oh! the people in my life. how did i get so lucky?? side note, please pray for them- they're all getting to the two-three month mark which is apparently when you realize you're really NOT coming back to wheaton in the fall, and it's pretty hard for most people. yikes. i talked to my friend jeremiah, who's going too, and it was so fun to hear his thoughts on the internship and just be excited together that we really get to DO THIS. on a funny note, i found the "Off the Record" (wheaton's joke paper) article i'd saved about how to get into the program and reread it and cracked up. "Try to look angsty and original in your application photo. Some have claimed that not showering for several days before their interview helped... and guys, one word about shaving: DON'T! Borrow clothes from an MK friend. Think ethnic." I just feel so lucky. And also I have no idea what to expect from this year and the whole thing. Who knows how this will be, what I'll learn and see??!!! I'm so excited and a little scared (I'm sure that will increase) but I'm really just trusting God and asking Him to give me an open, teachable heart with the year. so thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you who have been and are continuing to be a part of this process for me (you know who you are :-)). i am sooooo lucky. on a happy happy happy note, HEATHER my beautiful roommate is home from her summer in england!!!!!!! i am so excited to talk to her- we gchatted and despite the fact that we gchatted all the time while she was there just knowing that she was on the same continent almost made me cry. i can't wait to hear about everything she learned and saw and experienced!!! i'm not sure how i'm going to handle being so far from everyone if her being in england for six weeks had me staring at my phone willing it to magically have her name show up on my caller ID. but i know that it will all be okay when i get there :-) |
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